


I'll Be Damned if We Can Make it Out of This Alive

by Justaspnaddict



Series: Songfics [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anxiety, Anxious frank, Asshole Gerard Way, Broken Gerard, But he's just depressed, Depression, Happy Ending, M/M, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, complicated relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 02:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13204311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justaspnaddict/pseuds/Justaspnaddict
Summary: Song fic based on Rainbow Kitten Surprise's "First Class"Frank and Gerard are having a good night until Frank's misgivings and flashbacks cause his anxiety to flare up. But despite everything he knows it'll be okay in the end.





	I'll Be Damned if We Can Make it Out of This Alive

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much just a drabble but oh well. Check out the song it's great and so is the band!

_Say we'll get married on a porch in Vegas_

  
The two boys lay in bed. The sky is pink and yellow casting light into the room as it sets. Gerard red hair is spread over Frank's chest as they lay there. "Would you ever marry me?" Frank asks looking down at Gerard smiling. Frank waits for the answer and his heart sinks a little as every second ticks by. Eventually he responds. "Of course."  
  
Frank ignores the knot in his chest. "We could get married in Vegas. The city of lights." he hummed to himself imagining it.  
  
"You mean like in an over night chapel? Not exactly what I would picture." he laughed it off.  
  
"No, in the desert. We could find a house we could use and we could get married on the porch and have a party." he tangled his fingers in the red hair. "Sounds great doesn't it?"  
  
Gerard giggled. "Sure, babe."  
  
_We can get hitched and have a couple of kids. And none of them will look at all like us._   
  
"And kids!" Frank's faced beamed. "Little clones of us running around," Frank continued giggling.  
  
"Except they wouldn't look like us." Gerard pointed out smiling too.  
  
_And out neighbors will all be a bit too much._  
  
Gerard didn't say anything else for a few minutes and neither did Frank, they just sat like that.  
  
Finally Frank continued. "And we'll have really nosy neighbors." he laughed. "Of course who wouldn't with two punk rock stars next door raising some beautiful children."  
  
Gerard didn't respond.  
  
"Wouldn't it be great?"  
  
"Sure. Of course." for some reason Frank felt his heart wasn't in it.  
  
_And you'll live out in the desert with a man you never loved._  
  
Frank could feel his anxiety coming up again. It always did. What if Gerard didn't love him? What if he didn't want a future like Frank did? Would he ever truly be happy with Frank? Or would he just sit there slowly being pulled along?  
  
_Is this it? What you want? What you wanted? Do you need love? Am I enough for you?_  
  
Thoughts raced through Frank's head. What if? Frank always felt like he could never be enough. Like he would never be enough to make Gerard completely happy. Suddenly the perfect afternoon was ruined.  
  
_In time you'll find I've got my baggage too._  
  
Frank knew Gerard wasn't a perfect person. He struggled with mental illness. He abused drugs and alcohol. He got angry quickly, flirted with others. He had a lot of problems. To Frank though, he was perfect for him.   
  
His problems put a lot of pressure on Frank. He was supposed to be the strong one in the relationship. But he was slowly breaking down too. It felt like no one even noticed though.  
  
_Say we'll get famous and we'll die with our names in every paper, every news report is any consolation. To the people that you love and all the people that you hate_.  
  
"You know what would be funny though?" Gerard suddenly asked.  
  
"What?" he kept running his fingers through Gerards hair.  
  
"When we die, everyone will know. We can prove that we made it. To all of those who said we could," Gerard giggled. "it'll be a huge fuck you to all the people that said we couldn't."  
  
Gerard always said things like this. He had never asked for fame but he knew what it meant. Frank thought it was enough to leave their legacy through music and the children they would hopefully raise.

 _But will love you all the same because you're beautiful._  
  
"It doesn't matter though. Even those who doubted you know you shine brighter than any star in the sky."  
  
Gerard leaned up to kiss Frank.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
_Say you didn't see it, that I saw right through you. Say you didn't mean it that I mean nothing to you._  
  
Even though they were happy right now fights still flashed through Frank's mind. Screaming tear and alcohol fueled fights. So did silent suffering.  
  
Gerard could see the pain in Frank's eyes and he knew that he had just came back from Bert's. High off his ass and hickeys on his neck. But Frank would never say anything. He loved him too much.  
  
"Fuck you, Frank! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm just not in love with you and you're just a warm mouth?" Gerard could see he struck a nerve. Gerard slammed the bus door before bursting into tears. On the other side of the door Frank slid to the ground. He couldnt breathe and it felt like his world had just came crashing down around him. Surely he didn't mean it? Right? He said he loved him. Bob found him like that an hour later. Crying and hyperventilating on the floor.   
  
_Like you said "Do you believe me? That I'll be right for you."_  
  
But the good times were so good. Like the time  Gerard had finally opened up.  
  
"I know I'm fucked up. I know I make mistakes." he said holding onto Frank. "But I promise that I'll do what I can to make you feel loved. To make you feel wanted."  
  
"I know you will." Frank kissed him. That was the first time he knew that he didn't just love Gerard. He was in love with him.  
  
_Say you love me like you used to._  
  
But still Frank couldn't forget the Gerard he first loved. The one not touched by drugs or alcohol. The one that didn't have a problem saying how he felt. Even if it scared him shitless.  
  
_We were born splaying in the wreckage. Buried down on birds with stones._  
  
Frank knew that technically they started their relationship thinking it would end like all the other road flings. Some lasted. But most didn't. Frank always prayed that they were one of the lucky ones. Deep down he could never shake the feeling that they were already sinking down when they took their first leap of faith.  
  
_Bore my weight upon your shoulders. Water as warm as morning suns._  
  
But Frank knew that he could always rely on Gerard no matter what. At least he hoped so. Gerard made Frank feel warm and fuzzy like all the books and movies described. He always felt like he was on fire. Nothing could put it out. Nothing. (he hoped.)  
  
_I don't think quite like I used to. I got a bed to call my own._  
  
Frank had been changed as well. He knew that he wasn't quite as scrappy as he used to be. He knew he nay have lost some of his shine and edge Gerard was first attracted to. But he knew that he was secure now. He didn't make life altering decision on the flip of a coin anymore. He'd rather know he'd have something to come home to.  
  
_I see stars and painted lies_.  
  
Frank still was in love with Gerard. That wouldn't change. He still saw sparks fly. But he also knew that love wasn't all it was cracked up to be. He wasn't as naive as he used to be. He knew Gerard lied. It hurt sometimes. It caused a lot of problems and tears. But he knew it was worth it in the end. But Frank knew Gerard hurt too.  
  
_Broken glass upon your road now I'm driving home too soon._  
  
Frank knew he forgave him too easily sometimes. He knew that even if Gerard cut him open and destroyed his heart he would always come running back. Especially when Gerard needed him. Frank remembered the scariest phone call of his life.  
  
"Frank, I just want you to know that I love you okay? And I'm hurting and this has nothing to do with you. You're perfect." he could hear that Gerard was sobbing.  
  
Frank automatically grabbed his keys, ready to leave if need be. "Baby, what's wrong? Where are you?"  
  
Gerard sniffed. "I can't do it anymore. I have to leave. I'm on top of the roof."  
  
"What roof, baby? Talk to me!" he got to the car and opened the door cranking up the car.  
  
"The hotel we stayed at last time we were in town."  
  
Frank immediately knew where he was.  
  
"I'm coming babe. Don't do anything please! Stay on the phone with me!" he was already speeding down the road. Going 25 over the speed limit but he had to get there.  
  
_Woah, woah say you love me like you used to._  
  
_And we'll vacation first class_.  
  
Frank smiled. Memories rushing back. "I'll take you anywhere you want baby." Gerard kissed him.  
  
"Anywhere?" Frank's asked.  
  
"I'd buy the moon for you." he smiled before picking him up and kissing him like he had needed him live. Like Frank was his oxygen. Frank felt needed for the first time in a long time.  
  
_I'm breaking your fall you're breaking my ass._  
  
No matter the measure Frank knew he would catch Gerard when he fell. No matter how far he fell. He could fall from the heavens and frank would be there.  
  
_You're working all day hating on all the bitches at work._  
  
Frank knew Gerard he had saw him at his best and worst.  
  
"Fuck them! I'll leave the damn label then let's see what they do!" Gerard was screaming in response to the fact the label kept trying to cover his sexuality.  
  
_You say you're ok. You're faking fucked up._

A fight from a few months ago came back to him.   
  
"Gerard. You're not okay and you're not clean. You're going to hurt yourself. Please listen!" Gerard pulled away.  
  
"I'm fine Frank! Leave me the fuck alone! I know what I'm doing!" Gerard screamed.  
  
"Please!"  
  
Gerard left with slamming doors. Gerard sobbed repeating and whispering under his breath. "Please, Gee. Please."  
  
_Drinking all day, you give me a cup._    
  
Frank had thought forever about maybe just taking something. Maybe Gerard had this whole life thing figured out. Maybe numbing it all was the best solution. But he couldn't. He had to stay strong so Gerard had someone sturdy to go to when it all went to shit.  
  
_And I'll be damned if we can make it out of this alive, baby. Say I'll be damned if we can make it out of this alive._   
  
Frank remembered one night early in their relationship.  
  
"I don't think I'll live to see twenty eight." Gerard whispered. He was straddling Frank clinging to his shirt tightly.   
  
"Why not?" Frank knew Gerard was struggling.  
  
"I'm not exactly built to last." he had said laughing. "I'm a rockstar with self destructive tendencies."  
  
Frank had cried after Gerard slipped into sleep. He wanted to help the broken man with long red hair and eyes that shone like stars.   
  
_But is this what you want?_  
_What you wanted?_  
_Do you need love?_  
_Am I enough for you?_  
_In time you'll find I've got my baggage too_  
  
  
_Oh and say we'll get famous and we'll die with our names_  
_In every paper, every news report is any consolation_  
_To the people that you love and all the people that you hate_  
_But we'll love you all the same because you're beautiful_  
  
_Say you didn't see it, that I saw right through you_  
_Say you didn't mean it that I mean nothing to you_  
_Like you said do you believe me?_  
_That I'll be right for you_  
_Say you love me like you used to_  
  
_Woah_  
_Say you love me like you used to_  
  
_And we'll vacation first class_  
_I'm breaking your fall_  
_You're breaking my ass_  
_You're working all day_  
_Hating on all the bitches at work_  
_You say you're ok_  
_You're faking_  
_Fucked up!_  
_Drinking all day, you give me a cup_  
_And I'll be damned if we can make it out of this alive, baby!_  
  
_I say I'll be damned if we can make it out of this alive_  
  
  
_But is this what you want?_  
_What you wanted?_  
_Do you need love?_  
_Am I enough for you?_  
_In time you'll find I've got my baggage too_  
  
_Say we'll get married on a porch in Vegas_  
_We can get hitched and have a couple of kids_  
  
Frank came back to reality. And kissed Gerard.

"Yeah. I think I could do marriage and kids with you." Gerard whispered.   
  



End file.
